TV personality, Toyosi Phillips-Effiong is celebrating three years of being married traditionally to Nollywood actor Etim Effiong, with must-see advice for couples looking to tie the knot.
Sharing the message in an Instagram post on Monday, the media sweetheart shared some of the mistakes she made while preparing for her wedding along with the lessons marriage has taught her.
“Sometimes, I wish I could sit in a room filled with intending couples and just pour my heart out to them, so many mistakes I made and so many lessons I’ve come to learn.
I wish I could tell them that:,” she began.
“1, Your marriage will be more important than the colour of your aso? e?bi,the size of your wedding cake, the decoration in your hall etc….. You will need to spend more time getting to know your spouse and planning your marriage than your wedding. It’s simple maths, one is one day, the other is till eternity if Jesus tarries.
You can outsource the planning of your wedding but not your marriage.
“2, Our wedding hashtag was a #3Cordstrand because we entered our marriage with the consciousness of a 3 way partnership, Jesus+ Daniel + Me =Not easily broken. The only 3rd party we agreed to allow into our home was Jesus, every other 3rd party hath to take the back seat. This has helped us alot in these 3 years. I’ve heard gory stories of how people carelessly let 3rd parties into their homes, they hijack the destination of their journey and make their path even more complicated and honestly, it is unnecessary. Don’t open your doors to 3rd parties, be very united and intentional about this.
“3, Don’t borrow money to get married or blow up all your money on a wedding and be drinking Garri after all of us have gone to our houses and moved on from the taste of the jollof rice or how lit your party was, please be responsible with your finances. The truth is, the Jones’s too are broke, so why keep trying to impress them.
“4, DO YOU! Make your day ultimately your day, yes, a page from someone else’s can inspire you here and there, but don’t let it dictate everything. We had the most amazing wedding celebration because Daniel and I kept insisting on making it ours regardless of how much family involvement we had.
“The List goes on, but these were on my mind and I thought to quickly share with someone who might need this right now. It’s our 3years anniversary and my heart yearns to share somethings I’ve learnt in these very short time,” she conluded.
The couple got married in 2017 and have since welcomed a baby girl.
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I know! I know! Everyone says year 1 of marriage was the toughest year, blending and moulding can be excruciating but for me, I think year 3 was the toughest 😂😂😭….Jesus! Like, at some point, I must have seen human beings walking as trees 😂😂 I fought about everything 😭😭😂 Sometimes, I feel for Mr Effiong 😭😭😂 I Kid… but you get the point. At some point, it felt like a merry-go-round, where one person tapped out, the other person is still in, and it continued like that until we got a hang of it…. I have come to realize that marriage isn’t the same thing as Dating, you can’t just up’ and leave’ becuz you can, Argue all you must, Fight all you can, speak and exhaust all your english bank all you shall, you must come right back to the centre in surrender with these questions: Oya, sorry nawww….but how can we fix this? How did we get here? (So we can Re-navigate next time) How did this make you feel? Etc I used to think fighting in a relationship is a bad thing, so most times, I might avoid it, but as I grew in this marriage thing ehn,I realize that fighting is an indication that something isn’t quite in its place, i.e When your car suddenly starts making a funny sound, you dont just disregard it and act like it doesn’t matter, you diagnose to find the problem and fix it, you don’t throw your car away…. likewise when you fight/ your car is bad, you don’t just throw it away, you’re curious as to what is wrong, is it the oil? Gas? Cabrator? Etc, (Same questions translated) “what is wrong with our communication, Language, tone, perspective, body language etc and let’s fix it. *Coughs Coughs* …..Just so we are clear o, I am 3years a LEARNER o….I’m just sharing my thoughts just because “it’s awaaaaa Anniversary” 💃💃💃💛💛 Hopefully this helps someone. Pls feel free to share your thoughts as well with me, Ova to you in the comment section #3YearsofGodsFaithfulness #Itsouranniversary #Weddinganniversary #Love #Tribes #Tongues #Life #marriage #3Yearsof3strandcord
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Still speaking about fighting, the ladies mostly are guilty of this, “When our spouse wrong us, we must drag the fight until rapture day” 😭😂😂, like, why is it so hard to just hear “I’m sorry” and let’s move on??? Ehn! 😭😭😂 So at year 1 and 2, when Mr. Effiong apologises for something, that’s when my antennas are up and ready to accelerate the begging circle, like, I step on it until I press spoil 😭😂😂 and it will now be me that will be begging in return 😭😭😂🙆🏾♀️🙆🏾♀️ something about this that I learnt recently, You can be in the right about something, and be wrong with the way you have handled the situation 👏🙌 I’m slowly learning….Notice I said “Slowly’ 🤦🏽♀️😭…..learning how to come around quickly, we don’t have to release missiles and weapons and even go to war, a simple “I’m sorry” should be enough, Don’t make it too deep, just let it go brethren 😂😭 Marriage is an institution for 2 forgivers o….No wrongs remembered, no throwing shade with what you both have healed from, just letting go. With this few points of mine, I hope I have made the men happier today 😂😂🤔😭 3 years a Learner! #3YearsofGodsFaithfulness #Itsouranniversary #Weddinganniversary #Love #Tribes #Tongues #Life #marriage #3yearsof3strandcord A post shared by Toyosi Etim-Effiong (@the_toyosi) on
In my previous post, I talked about our wedding hashtag being a #3cordStrand and also talked about God being the 3rd strand that glued our union together……. But I recognise the need to seek counsel from trusted, spiritually discerning, No hidden agenda, pure hearted individuals, not people who would seek to make your challenges a blog post or an IG motivational message 🙄😏, Lol but people who are emotionally intelligent. One of the things I will give myself a pat on the back for in the last 3years of marriage will be my child like Vulnerability and honesty. I was QUICK to reaching out to this people with “Please pray for my marriage with the specific issues”, I was quick to saying “I’m not ok o, I need your counsel” etc I didn’t form or pretend to insanity, I said it as it was, and this is why you MUST surround yourself with HEALTHY people, people that are good for your destiny. It was in this multitude of counsel that I found strength, safety and sense…..(😭🤣😂 did you see how that rhymed??? 😭😭🙈) Ok! seriously, but just knowing that people are praying for you will help stare your thoughts and reconstruct your behavioral patterns. Today, I am thankful for my support systems that did not allow my village people to find my house address 😭😭😂😂 #3YearsofGodsFaithfulness #Itsouranniversary #Weddinganniversary #Love #Tribes #Tongues #Life #marriage #3yearsof3strandcord
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