I try to sleep but the only thing i see is blood stains and I wake up still feeling the guilt of soaking my hands in blood.
I don’t want anyone judging me based on my life story, the reason I’m letting this out is because I need to feel better
My story: Since I was bored at home and I needed to go out and have fun i honoured an invitation from George to go for a party. George is 20 years older than me. We started bonding and I just thought he was a nice person. After the party I needed to get a ride home so he promised to help me. He decided to take me to his house because I was a little bit tipsy from the drink I took. He said he needed to make me rest while he gets me a ride. At that moment I was really happy I met someone like him, so I decide to rest. Shortly, the door opened and I saw George removing his pants. Because I was tipsy i thought I didn’t see anything. Soon I started feeling someone touch me around my private area, I tried to struggle but I couldn’t, I was gone, dead drunk that I couldn’t even defend myself so i decided to just stop struggling and let him just do it. I was a virgin!!
After he was done he said he was going to take care of me and make my life better, I was pissed but then I calmed down.
I started seeing him often and sex wasn’t anything bad to me again, this time I enjoyed every bit of it and I fell in love with him even more.
Because I didn’t know anything about after sex pill, I got pregnant, I could see my world crumbling, so I called, he said I shouldn’t cry that he was going to take care of the whole situation.
He invited me over and gave me a pill to take, suddenly my stomach started hurting I felt like my womb was going to drop, I started bleeding almost immediately as the pain came.
I didn’t know what he gave me but I knew it wasnt safe, I didn’t want to kill my baby I was just scared, he made me feel like it was normal and that it must happen.
Its been a month since I soaked my hands in my own blood and I feel haunted. I cant even sleep without thinking of what I have done
I still love him but I don’t I want to go on anymore because he could make me do worse things.
I think i’m suicidal now because I cant even sleep anymore. Please what can I do?
Photo Credit: beyond black and white.
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