As he rolled off me, I couldn’t help but stare at him with disgust and hate in my eyes from the dimly lit bedside lamp. I thought deeply considering what I saw in him that I agreed to date him and went ahead to even say yes to his marriage proposal. Instead of spending the rest of my life in regrets and blaming myself for jumping quickly aboard this ship called “marriage”, I would rather fill my heart with the thoughts of Sammy. Oh Sammy! The one man with the manual on how to treat me right.
With Sammy, I can literally tread on hot coals and not feel the fire burning through my sole because with his tender lips, he’ll kiss each pain away and I will be left with nothing but scars; scars gotten just for the man I love. But right now as it stands with this man I married, the only scar on my mind is none other than the stigma associated with a married woman that went astray. The society clearly did no justice for situations like this. But what would they have me do?
Communicating with my husband surely isn’t the issue. I have poured out my heart, my soul till there was nothing left; I begged, I wept up to no avail, he just wouldn’t bulge. He made me feel less of a woman each and every passing day. Was it with birthdays? He forgot that. Anniversaries? He couldn’t be bothered. He never knew how my days went neither did he care about anything new with the kids, he never wanted to know anything. Fact is, he actually showed these characters when we dated but I humbly take the fall for this one because I thought he would change. Change is constant right?
People change and while we dated he did his best to worship the very grounds I walked on but happenings after the wedding was a clear case of “he got the trophy and abandoned it in an old rickety shelf and while he slept someone else saw the value of the trophy, kept dusting the rusty trophy until it got back to its original shine. Sammy and I met on a professional trip and though sparks kept flaring up, we tried to keep it under control. As expected, one thing led to another the last night of the trip and sex happened.
I’m no robot so I felt guilty at first but, arriving home and noticing the man I married couldn’t care less to show any emotions as I arrived home after a three weeks long business trip, I could only feel indifferent about my actions. Sammy and I apologized to each other but just like magnet our attraction was out of this world. We just couldn’t stop our amorous affair anymore. I am smart enough to never let my affair affect my performance at home as a dutiful wife and mother, so my husband still doesn’t suspect a thing.
Though it may seem like I am justifying my actions by focusing only on the bad attributes of my husband, I am but a woman who needed comfort and fulfillment from her husband but got them all from the shoulders of another man. Cheating leaves a person or two burned at the end but I am damming all consequences. It is never a mistake but a decision and I have clearly made my choice.
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