Conversations with the Obebes: Lessons from the Buhari-Aisha Debacle


Everyone is still talking about the Buhari-Aisha debacle. While many have expressed outrage, others have been a bit more sympathetic. After all has been said and done, all that’s left to do is reflect on the lessons we can learn from the situation.

There are a few relationship lessons this issue can teach us. The dynamics of a relationship between a man and his partner and vice versa will always be a very complicated but interesting one.

The entire world has condemned Buhari for what he said about his wife. But I’ve got to ask – what part of his statement is false?

He says and I quote (also please note my emphasis)  “I don’t know what political party she belongs to, but she belongs to MY kitchen, MY living room and the other room”. I don’t think he faltered on this statement.  She does not belong to THE kitchen,  living room or other room, but HIS…  She belongs to him,  and he belongs to her and her wherever she wants and desires too. HER Kitchen, living room, other room, wherever…

As a woman, I do not belong in THE kitchen, but I definitely belong in my kitchen, which is also my husband’s kitchen…

However it is my opinion that he has been so concerned about the state of the nation that he has forgotten to be a husband to his wife, as he has been so consumed with his head of state duties.

He has forgotten to belong to her first, before the nation or at least find a way to balance both roles.

My husband Yinka Obebe, however; thinks she has failed the state and failed her husband by her statements.  This is his opinion:

“I think the actions of the wife of the President are unfortunately below expectations. That we may not have had the best presidents in Nigeria is a going discussion, but why do most of our number one wives have to be comedians?

A woman will only call her husband out like that only because she has lost her place in the union.

It is regrettable that it appears madam desperately needs some attention. And she had to break down her husbands last line of defence to get some media attention. Very selfish.

Looking at the matters:

  1. The President doesn’t know the people he appointed.  –  Does a president have to know everyone personally before appointment?
  2. His wife of 27 years doesn’t know them either.   – Oh this is getting clearer, the appointment was supposed to be amongst friends, and the unofficial first lady must also approve.
  3. You will not support him in the next elections.  – I think you already lost the man.

There is more to this matter, this is not enough to dry your husband in the sun.

After insinuating openly that it appears the government has been hijacked, I was wondering if she understands the treasonous nature of her statement.

So they have finally caught the man in a corner, he fought back like any one would, and he has uttered the abomination of the new world, “My wife belongs in the kitchen.”

For a moment I saw that BBC video and I didn’t see a man whose government has been hijacked, I saw a man who knows what this is all about and is ready for whatever you want to bring.

Let’s not forget about those judges we need to catch, let us do away with these silly distractions and ‘face front, get stuff done.’”

…. While I agree with the entirety of Yinka’s points..  I also think it’s a very logical angle which a lot of men would hold on to. There is a need to understand a woman’s point of view on this.

I believe her statements were not made thinking of the nation or anything political. I simply see a WOMAN yearning for her husband. A woman who did what she had to do (in fact impulsively too ) to get his attention.  This is a purely domestic issue tabled for the world to feast upon.

Women are first emotional before logical in thinking.  It is how we are wired. This woman’s emotional bank has not being catered to by her husband or anyone else, if I may say so. Before she got to this melting point, she must have explored other subtler methods…  but chairman was too concerned about Naija.

She got to a point where she lost all reason…  lost the sense of the weight of the position and responsibilities of who she has now become: The Wife of the President. The First Lady of Nigeria.

She simply needed her man not a President,  and no price was too much to pay to make him realize that. In this,  I believe she erred. She failed in her role first as a WIFE of the president, secondly as a First Lady (if there is any office like that), thirdly I think she has failed women. Her outburst is not from a place of strength but from a place of weaknesses.  I wouldn’t blame her much though. She must have been  really desperate enough to make him SEE her.

I tell you, a person can get really foolish out of pure desperation. Men, please don’t get your women there.

So here is the bottom line:

Men, we know you like to hustle. Well, so do we.

Every now and then you need to chill and tend to your woman,  love her,  reassure her,  sell her your vision and run with it together.There is no stronger force than two working together as one.  The Holy book says one will chase one thousand and two will put ten thousand to flight. The same book says “can two work together except they agree?”

When a woman is drained, we damn it all and trust me,  and we don’t care what gets lost in the process –  it’s collateral damage. We’ll cry over that later but first, we need what we need.

Now that the presidency has released a statement, expressing that “he really loves his wife,” we can say her moves paid off.

Congrats man, and please save us these domestic dramas in the future.

On a final note, a spin to this whole saga is that these folks could be playing ‘House of Cards’ on us you know?

Act divided…  lure enemies of the state/President to Aisha…  identify them,  assemble them and eliminate them. .. Classic!

I really hope this is the case.  Or maybe I  watch too many Power movies.  Lol


About the writers

Bola Yinka-Obebe is a creative entrepreneur, a wife,  mother and a believer in the female specie.She believes in the powers of a woman and the application of the same.

Yinka Obebe is a Media Entrepreneur. A husband, father and a story teller.  He explores the beauty of the world through his lens and words and shares it without holding back.

Together they believe in the institution of marriage, the unity, harmony and blessings of the same and think the world should focus on more positivity.


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