This article featured in this week’s City People magazine is written by popular motivational writer Toni Payne.
There is this saying that when two elephants fight, it is the grace that will suffer.When it comes to public figures, this seldom applies. When two public figures get into it, they both usually end up with the hits, from fans taking sides, people insulting them, to the emotional ups and downs of having to deal with the insults, to having a situation that would have been dissected by people who do not know half of what is going on, to the beef that follows. Most times, it just ends up not being worth it.
Recently, a certain alternative musician wrote an article about a conversation he had with some ‘friends’. The article started out with talk of him not attending a ‘colleagues wedding’ then it trickled down to talk of why ‘certain women’ like second hand husbands. Pretty much implying that the man was previously married and stolen from his wife. You do not need to be a genius to know who he was throwing shade at. There was only one colleague who recently had a very public wedding around that period. Besides that, the rumour of him being married was filtering around but I never took them serious because I know the couple personally and knew the guy was never married. I saw said rumours as another way for haters to keep themselves busy. Na you marry them? Trying not to be irate, I sat through and read the entire article, hoping it was going somewhere. When I was done, I tried to wrap my head around the purpose. Was it just a simple article? Was it a cry for attention from the writer? Was it genuine concern for the couple? Till date, I still can’t understand the purpose?
The purpose of the article aside, the one thing that stood out most for me was terming a human being as ‘second hand’. This I found very offensive, but I’ll address that later.
Naturally, the couple read the article, saw the fans reacting and like a game of dominoes, reacted too. The reaction was filled with emotion and of course, mix an emotional reaction with haters waiting to comment on what is right or wrong with your life and what you get is more drama you do not need. Should they have reacted? It is easy to say ignore but remember one thing, he who wears the shoe knows where it pinches. Public figures are meant to have thick skin but it doesn’t take from the fact that a public personality is just as human as anyone else. I can understand where the couple is coming from; I most definitely would have probably reacted too. You can’t be 100% all the time
There is a rumour going around about you, you know it is false, the last person you expect to cosign the rumour would be someone you expect to know better. I always say, except you hear from the horse’s mouth, when it comes to sensitive topics such as this, don’t believe all you hear and even at that, be careful how you judge the situation.
Now back to this second hand talk. Let’s leave the public figure factor out of the equation for a minute. I am very curious to know, what classifies a human being as second hand? The choice of words really pisses me off. The last time I checked there was no manual for the perfect life and there was no handbook that says if things do not work out the first time, you should go and hide in cave or kill yourself. There is no manual for who you end up falling in love with; you can only try to make the right choices. There was no rule that says a man who has kids with another woman cannot get married as long as he is at peace with and not offending the mother of his kids. When two adults part mutually with no hard feelings, why can’t they move on without being termed ‘second hand’? I always say, a lot of people act like they are Nostradamus and can see into the future. The situation you judge today could become yours tomorrow. Life has no guarantees. We are all entitled to our opinions but in doing so, it is always good to choose our words wisely. So unless it was meant to be a part of a comedy sketch, that article shouldn’t have surfaced with such derogatory undertones in the first place – Toni Payne.
Credit: Toni Payne for City People Magazine
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